I’ve noticed as of late, we are having a more open dialogue about the impact of childhood traumas.

We may find it easy to notice how our trauma shows up in our relationships, but what about how it may show up in our work environments and career choices?

Specifically with wanting to be our own boss.

It’s easy to want to go off on your own when you are sick and tired of other people telling you what to do.

What happens when you take the leap and become your own boss?

Unresolved trauma can prevent you from getting what you truly want–freedom, flexibility, and success.

Whether you’re in the beginning stages of entrepreneurship or have already taken the plunge, it’s so important to be mindful of past traumas.

In this blog, you’ll discover what generational trauma is and list 3 ways that old childhood trauma may show up in your ability to be your own boss.

Written by: Susan Abdel-Haq, LMFT

What is generational trauma?

Trauma is a term that we are starting to have more and more conversations about. Gone are the days when we contextualized “trauma” as being just “ an emotional response to a terrible event.

The reality is that trauma doesn’t just exist as isolated and single incidents.

According to GoodTherapy.org, “Intergenerational trauma (sometimes referred to as trans- or multigenerational trauma) is defined as trauma that gets passed down from those who directly experience an incident to subsequent generations.

Intergenerational trauma may begin with a traumatic event affecting an individual, traumatic events affecting multiple family members, or collective trauma affecting larger community, cultural, racial, ethnic, or other groups/populations (historical trauma).”

This can largely show up in how we were disciplined, raised, and even the messages that we get growing up that shape our core beliefs about ourselves and others.

These patterns are sometimes overt but oftentimes they are more unconscious and require more self-reflection.

How childhood trauma affects your success

Taking patterns from old work environments

Are you…

• Valuing the product and services you provide (Aka charging what you are worth)?

• Creating a traditional 8 am to 5 pm schedule that previously burned you out?

• Holding on to this belief that in order to “make it”, you have to be working 24/7 and answering emails past the work time that you want?

Unfortunately, a lot of work environments may also be reinforcing old beliefs that are no longer helpful such as “You aren’t doing enough”, “You don’t get a say”, or even that your value is solely based on what you “produce”.

It can be easy to repeat old toxic work patterns, but you get to break away from all of that.

You get to create a schedule that you want!

YOU are your own boss now and get to create an income and lifestyle that works for you.

Check back in with the reasons why you left your old position to be your own boss. Are you repeating them?

If your current work setup feels all too familiar, then it could be a sign to make some changes.

Self-Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs about yourself and what you are capable of achieving are often common for folks who have generational trauma.

Examples are:

• “That probably won’t work for me”

• “No one would pay me for that”

• “I could never have what that person has”

When you come from a household where there is trauma such as neglect, emotional abuse, or dysfunctional modeled behavior, it can be extremely hard to release old narratives.

A way to break these patterns is to first start to notice when you are having these self-limiting beliefs then remind yourself why you want to become your own boss in the first place.

Is it to leave a greater impact? Triple your income? Work less? Meet more people?

Embrace the new narrative!

Boundaries (or lack thereof)

Most folks would agree that boundaries are important. However, boundaries are harder to set and enforce when they weren’t healthily modeled in your childhood.

When there has been trauma, people tend to steer in one direction (either being more rigid with no room for flexibility or being too loose and not feeling in control).

There is also often doubt when it comes to your overall judgment and follow-through of boundaries.

Take a moment to really think about what your limits are. Consider things like:

• What drains me of my energy?

• How many hours do I want to work?

• What times do I want to be available?

• When/how do I want to respond to inquiries/clients?

Don’t worry if you don’t have it all figured out.

Remember that boundaries evolve over time and give you many opportunities to trial and error certain things.

How to achieve what you really want: Be a good boss to yourself

When you treat yourself well, that’s when you achieve fulfillment, be more productive, and experience more energy.

Imagine how much easier it’ll be to achieve your goals.

However, if you’re struggling with making the most of your time, generational trauma might be impacting you.

As with anything, you can’t change what you can’t see.

That’s why having these 3 ways childhood trauma impacts your ability to be your own boss in your awareness is so beneficial.

The process to becoming your own boss isn’t easy and requires a lot of internal work. However, there is a strength that comes from surviving trauma and that same strength will ultimately lead you to success!

Always remind yourself that being your own boss takes so much courage and vulnerability.

And when in doubt, always go back to why you started your own business, make sure your needs come first, and reach out for support from trusted therapist or coach.

Want to feel confident, in control, and at peace with your time? Click here to get free + supportive resources!

About the contributor

Susan Abdel-Haq, LMFT is a trauma informed licensed psychotherapist practicing in California. Susan is trained in both EMDR and Brainspotting and enjoys integrating other modalities in her clinical work. She is passionate about holding space for people to work through the hard stuff and tap into their strengths. Susan specializes in working with folks who are struggling with relational trauma, Narcissistic abuse recovery, toxic family of origin work, people-pleasing, substance-use disorders, anxiety, and exploring aspects of their cultural identity to work towards healing.

Franco, D. F. (2021, January 7). Understanding intergenerational trauma: An introduction for clinicians. GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog. Retrieved June 10, 2022, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/Understanding_Intergenerational_Trauma

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